Triggers

A friend recently shared a series of pictures online of her experiences from the pre-pandemic era. These were fun shots from happier times, of being with all her family members, celebrating a wedding with friends, enjoying social outings with work colleagues. 

After seeing these pictures, I put my phone down and immediately started to cry.

Those emotions... they came out of nowhere! But I realized that her pictures made me remember, once again, how much I used to love my life before the pandemic. I used to live, damn it! Now look at us, under Public Health Orders, masking up and having to stay away from all those things that once brought us joy.

Clearly, remembering any happy experiences from before these "unprecedented times" is a trigger for me - I mean, it's so painful I wrote a whole post and conducted a survey, theorizing that it may be better to erase all of our memories about the experiences we used to have and may never get back again, for crying out loud.

So let's talk about triggers. Here are a few more of mine... that I'm aware of, anyway. I'm sure there are more out there, lying in stasis, just waiting to assault my fragile emotional state when least expected.

P.C. Vey for New Yorker Cartoons

"The new normal"

How many times have you heard this? Has it gotten on your nerves yet? It sure has for me. 

I'm not rebelling against the idea that things have changed, or that we as a human species need to be making adaptations to fit our changed circumstances. Clearly, we do. But the phrase itself, "the new normal," implies that we've reached some kind of equilibrium; I would argue that we're nowhere close to that. Besides which, what the hell is so "normal" about life right now, anyway?

And, c'mon - this situation is not a "new" normal. This is our reality. Whether we like it or not.   

"Thriving"

Seriously? Who the fuck is "thriving" right now? I can barely make it through each day without having some form of existential crisis, let alone "thrive."  

A colleague recently shared a Harvard Business Review article on how to thrive when everything feels terrible, citing how to counter negative effects in our lives by "thriving — the psychological state in which people experience a sense of both vitality and learning. Thriving individuals are growing, developing, and energized rather than feeling stagnated or depleted."

I get wanting to feel better, and having to make the most of things, and focusing on the positives, especially now. But... thriving? Vitality? When people are obviously experiencing decreased mental health, or have lost jobs or homes, or even people they love? Poor choice of words, if you ask me. Like, read the room, Harvard Business Review.  

"When this is all over"

I suppose this is tied into a desire to see some kind of normalcy or calm or sense of order return to the world - or even, to return to the world as we once knew it. I mean, I get it. I want that too! So badly! 

But I think it's dangerous to expect that something will happen (vaccine, anyone?) to suddenly make everything better. There's no magic wand, no spell, no snap of the fingers to make that happen. And there's no guarantee that COVID-19 even will end, with scientists hypothesizing that coronavirus is here to stay. So while it may be hopeful to say, "when this is all over," I think it would be better to temper our expectations rather than putting too much stock into solutions that are still largely unknown. 

In summary, when I see you again (virtually), if you'd like to avoid seeing me 1) cry, 2) yell, or 3) immediately "end meeting for all," please avoid these triggers, if at all possible. 

What are your triggers?