Discomfort

In August of last year, after a good stint of physical therapy, I ran my first ever virtual race: the New York Yankees Virtually United 10K in support of COVID-19 outreach. Of course, a week later I sprained an ankle, followed by an additional sprain to the opposite foot less than three months after that. 

Since then, it's been physiotherapy (so much physiotherapy), and constantly working on my feet to "build back better." Fast forward to today, and clocking in 5K for my BMO Vancouver Virtual Race - a very modest result, to be sure, only being able to run for 90 seconds at a time. But hey, it's progress after months of being unable to even walk, so I will take it. 

A few observations about running - and namely, other runners besides me (and very few other runners like me) - during this pandemic:

• Runners (very rarely) wear masks.
• Runners (rarely) make any effort to social distance.
• Specific demographics of runners (you know who you are) are especially bad at either wearing a mask or social distancing. 

This has all fed into my social anxiety about being around other people, even outdoors. 

Others will say I'm overrreacting, or that the risks of contracting coronavirus by merely passing someone else on a street or sidewalk are very low. Sure - I get that. But the actions of social distancing and mask-wearing are still recommended; further, they are not very difficult. So what I don't understand is: why not just f*cking do them anyway out of consideration for other people? 

With the US recently ahead of Canada in its number of vaccinations, and the number of positive and severe cases on the decline, guidance around COVID-19 measures has been a little different south of the border. For instance, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in the US are now saying that fully vaccinated people can "resume activities that you did prior to the pandemic...without wearing a mask or physically distancing, except where required by federal, state, local, tribal, or territorial laws, rules, and regulations, including local business and workplace guidance." 

Canada is quickly nearing the same level of vaccinations but we are not there yet. Also, the US CDC guidance does not apply to us. But somehow, people don't seem to care about that. I guess it's pretty much summer now and people are tired so they don't feel the need to either socially distance or wear masks anymore. 

Sigh.

Hubs and I were talking about how there are likely three groups of people in relation to COVID-19, and depending into which group you fall, you will act differently:

• Those who think the pandemic is a hoax - these people have no problem being in total disregard of public health measures.
• Those who want to protect themselves and others - these folks will follow the guidance most of the time, but maybe not always depending on the circumstances.
• Those who fear death and disease - these people will strictly obey all public health orders, even taking additional precautions not specifically recommended. 

It all comes down to personal level of discomfort: discomfort one might have with either COVID-19, trust (mistrust) of other people, or "doing what you're told." 

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A few recent articles have done a good job of putting discomfort during COVID-19 into perspective. Shayla Love wrote for VICE that some people (Americans, in particular) may not be able to give up their pandemic behaviours due to the mental and emotional toll of the last year. She provides the example of a young woman whose family contracted COVID-19, and whose grandmother died as result, being paralyzed with fear when trying to be around people outside of her household for the first time since the pandemic began. For The Telegraph, Rosa Silverman describes how many in the UK have been left with a chronic fear of reintegrating, choosing self-imposed lockdowns over getting together with friends - at a pub or restaurant, for example, even though those types of activities are allowed. Essentially, in the wake of COVID-related anxiety, some will struggle to readjust to "normal" life, particulary when it comes to big crowds and being around other people. 

I personally relate to both of these articles. Like, so much. No one close to me has tested positive or died because of COVID-19, and I am very grateful for that. But I hear the stories. I know nurses and doctors and others working directly with COVID-positive patients, who have shared their experiences. I also know that, while our vaccination numbers in British Columbia are good, there is - and always will be - a portion of the population that is anti-vax; those people will still be out there, mingling with everyone else, being unmasked and not socially distanced, as always. 

Given all of this, I (and hubs) probably fall mostly into the "those who fear death and disease" camp. Am I a bit paranoid? Perhaps. I'll acknowledge that. But I'd rather be paranoid than risk either getting or spreading the coronavirus, especially to someone I care about - like my husband or elderly mother. 

So while our health authorities continue their efforts to vaccinate as many people as they can, and while others may be comfortable easing up on their own pandemic behaviours, I shall continue wearing masks on runs, getting out early on Sundays to avoid crowds, and not travelling outside of my local region when asked not to do so by authorities. I will not be eating at a restaurant, either indoors or outdoors, because I continue to feel that the risk of doing so does not outweigh the benefits. And I will not get on a plane any time soon because there are very few appropriate reasons to do this, and nothing within my own circumstances and control that would warrant any kind of travel.  

Others may think that this is totally unnecessary, and over-the-top... and for the most part, they're allowed to think those things, even though I disagree. Again, it's discomfort - this time, with others' decisions, how those decisions might affect someone, the indirect (or direct) judgment that may be associated with the way a person has decided to act in contrast to another. 

When it comes to relationships, author Susan Piver explains in the Ten Percent Happier newsletter that:

...the most deeply loving gesture I can make within my relationship is to tolerate my own discomfort; to recognize my feelings and leave the story behind; to cease and desist from threatening my husband with consequences should he fail to be the person I need him to be rather than the person he is. This is the noble experiment of love.

Accepting others and their choices has seemingly never been more difficult than during this pandemic. And it's all because of discomfort. We have to learn how to accept the discomfort felt by others, at the same time as we work to address our own. 

As Shayla Love says in VICE, "After what many have been through—death, grief, isolation, stress, anxiety, unemployment, trauma—people are going to have some feelings around transitioning back to a less cautious way of life. It means some people need a little extra time to put their masks away as they stroll around the park—and they should take it." 

It's been a hard time for almost everyone, and a devastating year for some. Here's to finding it within ourselves to either let go of or just accept all of those pandemic-related things that are causing us discomfort. And here's to summoning up enough kindness and compassion, both within our own relationships but also society as a whole, to leave people with enough space to be themselves and take all the time they need in order to just "be okay." Doesn't everyone deserve that?

Hopefully soon... but not yet. 
Drew Dernavich for The New Yorker Cartoons